soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The adults are the big ones right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
