I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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