He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
