"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When are your genitals available?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
