Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
