Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
