Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize