Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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