Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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