hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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