I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
