My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
