k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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