I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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