Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
