Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
