the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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