they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
