You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
