Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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