I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
