I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
