One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He passed out mid-signature
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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