Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
