Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
