she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
