Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
