I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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