We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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