i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
White coat. Heels.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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