And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
