Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
