Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
