I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
