John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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