Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
