So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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