all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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