I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He has the fingertips of a God
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize