So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
