I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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