HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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