he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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