I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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