ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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