I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
