Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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