'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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