My friends, they love my intelligence
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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