Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize