Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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