thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize