I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
