so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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