Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize