some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
