Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
