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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you

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• (760): View more from California

  I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.

  (818): View more from California

  haha i love mojitos

  (760): View more from California

  ya and i hate cabbage

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• (408): View more from California

  Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ooooh. Get funfetti

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

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• (509): View more from Washington

  The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Marry me.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants

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