good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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