Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
