how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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