Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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