girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize