Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
