She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
