After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
